Imposter Syndrome isn’t just some new fad word of the year. It’s a real thing. And whether you are conscious of it or not, it can be completely destructive to your progress, success, and personal happiness.
As a part of my mission to help heart-centered women to up-level their success, when I have opportunities to share my real-life feet-on-the-street learnings with you, I’m going to show up and do that. Today, I started my day curled up in a self-pity ball of tears. But, first, let me tell you how I got here, and then, I’ll tell you what you can do if you find yourself here too. I spent a lot of energy during my first two years in business feeling frustrated and disappointed with myself and my “lack of progress.” I had my head down and I stayed focused on helping people, but no matter how much I was giving and doing, I was constantly aware of all that was not yet done. Of all that I was NOT accomplishing.
I saw other entrepreneurs who appeared to be making it so much further and more quickly than me, and I questioned why I wasn’t there yet. I had the vision for the life and business I wanted, but I hadn’t achieved it yet, and that left me in a state of frustration. Imposter syndrome reflects a belief (conscious or unconscious) that you are inadequate, or a failure, despite evidence that indicates you are skilled and successful. Many definitions of imposter syndrome describe someone feeling like a fraud, and that their accomplishments are a result of “luck.” While this particular statement never fit me, I have not been immune to imposter syndrome.
About a year ago, I recognized it showing up in ways that, for a long time, I didn’t realize were unhealthy and destructive… until I took the time to go deep with it and figure it out. From mid-2017 to mid-2018, I came to recognize a false belief system in myself: That anything worth having had to come hard. Every effort had to be “hard work.” If it wasn’t hard, I wasn’t worthy of it. I never felt good enough or that anything was good enough or that I was making enough progress because I was focused on what could’ve been done better/faster/bigger. Even though I really did know better. I knew from a previous sales career and from having worked with many businesses on their marketing, that playing the long game always wins; that it’s the small progress along the way that is so valuable and IS good enough. I knew that staying true to my mission and purpose is what truly, deeply matters; not how big my business can become or how fast I get there.
So I knew from numerous experiences that creating a strong foundation by laying one brick at a time is a winning strategy and would be good enough…. but that knowledge and real-live proof doesn’t always prevent the disappointment, comparisons, or imposter syndrome that creeps in from time to time. Over that period of 2017-2018, I went through an amazing transformational time of changing my story and rooting out my belief that I was only worthy of success if it came hard. I finally started charging what I knew my services were worth, and what I wanted to charge in order to meet the strategy I had laid out for my life. I looked deeply inward at what I desire to do in the world and what my purpose is. When I had my answer, I looked outward to see what my ideal clients were really struggling with. And I got my answer: it’s the feelings of overwhelm, self-doubt, and questioning if any real progress is even being made. These are the pains that come up for my people over and over again. It’s not the pains about not having enough clients or not enough revenue, but the pain that still sits beneath, even AFTER you’re bringing in clients, even after you’ve increased your rates, and even after you have solid revenue coming in.
It’s the pain of feeling like you still aren’t enough. Like your progress still isn’t enough.
That’s when there is a deeply rooted false belief… or imposter syndrome. I invested time, focus, and energy in rewiring my thought process and story around this. Thankfully, through a series of events, I became conscious of that belief pattern, and I did the work to root it out and re-wire my thinking. And about 99% of the time, I live in my purpose, in my flow, so that I can create and fulfill my mission while living a life of joy and fun.
But, sometimes, imposter syndrome catches you completely off guard. For the past few days, I’ve been in San Diego for a thrilling experience in the Arch Angel Masters Mastermind. Three days of masterminding, idea sharing, and creating meaningful connections in a room full of 100 amazing, purpose-driven, seven- and eight-figure entrepreneurs from around the world. Successful people who share a passion for making an impact in the world. It was incredible and fulfilling. And, we discovered that even we as a community of successful entrepreneurs are not immune to imposter syndrome. In fact, we had a raw discussion about it. When the comment was made about how the more money you make doesn’t take imposter syndrome away, a knowing, and sarcastic laugh rippled throughout the room… because here’s the thing, becoming more successful doesn’t make a person any less immune to struggle or self-doubt. But, those who do the inner work and become equipped with strategies to face it head-on rebound from it so much more quickly. So, it shouldn’t have been to my surprise that I woke up this morning to a feeling of glumness that came over me, like a deep hazy fog. How was I going to pull myself out of bed? I just wrapped up Arch Angel Masters the night before and that day I was supposed to attend Traffic & Conversions to watch speakers like Rachel Hollis, Brendan Burchard, and Sir Richard Branson. And here I was, balled in a bundle of self-pity around all the things I “haven’t done well enough,” … all the things I’m “less than,” as compared to others. I’ve learned it doesn’t matter who you are, or how far you come: This can happen to every single one of us.
The key to continuing on your path to massive impact and income is knowing how to recognize it and move through it because imposter syndrome is destructive. As creators, givers, and healers: we can’t create from a state of frustration, we create from flow. And I want to help you learn how to stay in your flow so that you can create and be fulfilled, and make your impact on the world. So, if you wake up one day fighting with imposter syndrome, remember these 3 simple steps to find your way back to greater ease and flow:
Step 1: Breathe.
Then, give yourself space. Give yourself permission to be still. The breath pulls you back into your body, and out of your head. Sometimes, the best solution is to gently provide yourself some space, to be in your body, and get your balance back. If you are an empath, you are very aware of the energetic and emotional rebounding period that occurs after being around others. Offer yourself some time to be in breathe, and come into your body, and out of your mind.
Step 2: Reflection Journaling: Revisiting your path.
When you reflect on your entrepreneurial journey, where does it begin for you? Does it start with childhood and your personal development? Or do you strictly look at the time from which you opened your business? For this Reflection Journaling exercise, you are going to do a look back for BOTH. YOU as the entrepreneur and your BUSINESS results. As you reflect, note the key milestones year over year. Write them down on your chart/list. What big key learnings have happened along the way? What wins have you had? What revenues were achieved? What clients did you help to have success? What projects were particularly successful, or lead to the evolution of something greater? Note company growth, key hires, note losses, and invaluable learnings you acquired because of it. When you question if you are good enough, or if you’ve accomplished enough, look back on your reflection journal and see the magnitude of how much you actually have grown, and how far you have come.
Step 3: Lean Into Your Purpose
When you’re unexpectedly thrown off track, allow your heart to bring you back to center. Remember your purpose and mission. Why do you do what you do? Likely, it’s to help others or contribute to society in some way. And if it does involve people, you only need to have an effect on one single person to make a difference. Allow your mission to recenter your heart and mind. Focus on helping just one single person. Focus on taking one single action that moves you forward in your mission. For me, there is a particular client that comes to mind, and when I think about the progress that she has made and how it’s positively impacting her life, it brings joy to my heart and tears to my eyes. I have made a difference for her. Alternatively, if you don’t yet know your mission, you can reflect on your values. What do you value and why? How do you live those values? How can you lean into them even further, allowing the comfort of that guiding force to center you and guide you forward? Imposter syndrome is just a false belief that tells us we aren’t good enough. We are each here to walk our individual paths and to make our own impacts on the world. So, when you find you’re unnecessarily comparing yourself to others, just know you aren’t alone and know you can choose to shift out of that place. One step forward. One person, one day, one impact at a time. And now, since I’m feeling better, I’m off to see Richard Branson speak. Have I accomplished what he has with his multiple billion-dollar industries? No, but did I just help you with this message? Maybe! And right now, that’s enough for me!
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